Fear Of Losing Your Spouse - Watch Out For Those Spouse Stealers!
If you have been following today's TV serials, you would have seen that extra marital affair is a common highlighted issue. A third persons intervention often cools the cosyness between a couple. Television being a reflection of real life, it's clear that such spouse stealing can and does happen.
Poaching has now shifted out of forest reserves and is making predatory moves into our own bedrooms. And if you've ever had your partner 'stolen' from you, then you'll know exactly what we are talking about! According to research conducted by the International Sexuality Description Project (ISDP), up to 20 per cent of relationships start when one partner (or both) is dating, even married to, someone else. Evolutionary psychologists call this 'mate poaching'.
In layman's terms, it can be explained as romantically attracting someone who is already in a relationship. Maybe there's a certain truth and logic in tying your partner to your apron strings!According to the research conducted at Bradley University, USA, men are far more likely to admit to poaching than women.
This, he blames on the pressure from "the double standard that it's okay for men to be promiscuous but women should remain virgins till they marry". Not surprisingly so, as society is replete with numerous instances where a woman is termed as a home-breaker when she has an affair with a married man. One doesn't hear that much about a man napalming his girlfriend's marital bliss!
However, what begs the question is why would a person intentionally try to woo someone who is already settled in a relationship? Mate poaching is more about winning another person in spite of someone else being around. It is like a battle or combat. Those who indulge in mate poaching do it to satiate their need for thrill, acquiring what seems unattainable and defeating someone who, by all moral logic, should not stand to lose. Evidently, it is a challenge to steal someone who's involved elsewhere. And the same challenge is somewhat diminished if the love interest is single.
Mate poaching can be compared to a battle of wits. To impress the object of your affections, you have to outwit his/her partner, you have to make the better presentation, you have to market yourself in such a manner that the other person feels that not being with you is tantamount to missing out on the best thing in the world. "It is a mission, where the goal is to get and keep someone, after outsmarting his/her partner
"MATE POACHERS WANT TO TEST WHETHER THEY HAVE THE POWER TO GET ANYONE THEY WANT"
Needless to say, these kinds of relationships generally don't boast of the longevity that other relationships do. Broadly speaking, this is because a mate poacher cannot sustain a deep relationship, as all that s/he is lusting for is something that looks good and feels good. The external factors far outweigh the deeper bonds of love. Mate poachers only want to see how desirable they are. They want to constantly test whether they have the power to 'get' anyone they want. A sense of competition drives them and they often want to prove a point to the whole world. Obviously, they suffer from low self-esteem and they have to constantly indulge in this activity to feel good about themselves.
Not to mention the dreaded 'C' word - commitment. While there are times when these kind of relationships go beyond just a roll in the hay and develop into serious, long-term associations, for the average mate poacher, life is very simple. Enticing someone else's partner into a short little fling has all the advantages of a romp in the hay without letting marriage or commitment get in the way! As the other person is already in a relationship, the mate poacher thinks he is getting into a 'safe zone' where neither partner can expect anything. According to her, most mate poachers form only superficial relationships, and they either have a narcissistic personality disorder or a borderline personality disorder. They strive for love and appreciation from others and cannot handle it if someone attempts to tell them the truth.
And just to prove that men are from Mars and women from Venus, there are certain gender differences in mate poaching as well. Men usually attempt to steal attractive women and women typically try to ensnare wealthy and emotionally generous men.
Here are the useful articles that deals with cheating spouse, infidelity, and broken relationships that I find out on the internet. I hope they might provide you some help...
Dealing with Infidelity in Marriage Relationship - How to deal with infidelity
10 Signs of a Cheating Spouse - Signs to know if your spouse is cheating on you
How to fix a bad relationship - Tips to help you repair a broken relationship
Should I Have A Prenuptial Agreement Before We Get Married?
Copyright 2006 Nocita Carter
Well, that's a good question! Only you can decide whether or not this will work for your particular circumstances.
Robert is engaged to Janet. They're planning on getting married in a few months. Janet has several pieces of property, numerous investment accounts and is worth millions of dollars. She's been dating Robert for almost five years prior to his proposal of marriage. She's decided that she wants a prenuptial agreement prior to marrying Robert, but, is unsure how to tell him. Janet doesn't want to hurt Robert's feelings, but she knows that she should protect herself prior to marriage.
Ginger and William are getting married early next year. They've been dating for six months. William owns several businesses, properties and other investments. His net worth is two billion dollars.
He loves Ginger with all his heart and trusts her. William has told his attorney to start working on preparing a prenuptial agreement for him and Ginger. He has been trying to figure out how he's going to tell Ginger about the prenup without upsetting her.
You say that you have assets such as property, retirement ,savings, and other investments that you would like to protect. You don't want your assets to be part of the marital pie. You trust your future spouse but still want to protect the assets your have acquired before the marriage.
You're just not sure how to discuss this subject with your future spouse without possibly offending them. Here are five tips on what you may want to tell your future spouse:
1. Your accountant is recommending that you keep your assets before the marriage separate. Blame it on your accountant!
2. If you have children from a prior relationship, you may want your children to have the assets you acquired before the marriage.
3. You just want to protect your assets prior to the marriage in case of future problems with the marriage.
4. Your assets before the marriage may be for a relative or beneficiary that you want to benefit from your assets.
5. You simply want the both of you to start fresh and develop your assets together as a newly married couple.
Don't let the issue of a prenuptial agreement be a deflator to your relationship and create a level of distrust. Explain in detail to your future spouse the reason you would like a prenuptial agreement and everything between the two of you will probably work out in the end just fine.
If you decide that you want a prenuptial agreement with your future spouse, make sure you ease into discussing this subject. You know your future spouse's feelings and emotions better than anyone else! You may even suggest that you both have a prenuptial agreement.
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Nocita Carter is a writer and web designer that creates websites providing informative tips on various subject matter including personal finance tips on your personal finances at http://www.personal-finance-tips-for-you.com
How to Know if Your Life is Out of Balance
You may be thinking that your life needs more balance, more time spent at home and with friends and less time spent at work. Perhaps you even mentioned this to your spouse, girlfriend, best buddy, doctor, or co-workers. If you have, at least one of these people probably raised an eyebrow and explained the facts of life to you. That is, that nearly everyone is overworked these days, and you should get used to it. Besides, your friend Joe told you unsympathetically that he works a lot more hours than you do, so you have no reason to complain. Yet you still feel that nagging doubt. That feeling that you should be less stressed, tired, and short on time, coupled with the knowledge that you cannot seem to think clearly anymore, that you always forget family birthdays, and that you rarely eat dinner before 10:00 p.m. You should definitely listen to your own intuition and take control over your life before you have no OTHER life than what exists in the workplace! But
if you still need convincing, or perhaps some more objective feedback, try this little quiz: Just answer True or False to each of these statements. Be honest! 1. I am spending more time than ever at work and on work-related projects and activities. 2. I usually feel like I've run out of time at the end of the day, and I worry about all the things that didn't get done. 3. I have no time for myself, my family, or my friends. 4. I rarely get to visit with or talk to my family and friends. 5. Social meetings always seem rushed, and I find myself thinking about what I have to get done, and how I should be elsewhere, instead of enjoying the time with my family or friends. 6. On most days, every minute of every waking hour is scheduled with an activity, or I have something urgent to accomplish. 7. I am not sure who I am anymore, and I often wonder why I chose this job or career. 8. It is hard to recall my last vacation day or day off, or the last time I just sat and read a book or relaxed. 9. I have very little fun anymore and rarely do something just because I want to do it or because I think it will be pleasurable or fun. 10. I feel stressed out much of the time and find myself losing patience easily. 11. It is sometimes hard to sleep at night and to unwind at the end of the day. 12. My life is a blur. I feel like I have to keep moving from one thing to the next with no time to catch my breath. 13. When I do sit down to read a book for pleasure, or to watch a movie or TV, I find my mind wandering back to work related subjects, or I fall asleep from exhaustion. 14. I want more time for entertainment, hobbies, and activities, but never seem to get it. 15. I often have to postpone social engagements, appointments, or other personal things, or am late to these appointments. 16. I wake up feeling very tired in the morning, and even after the weekend, I feel exhausted. 17. It is hard to find the time to help my children with homework, talk to my spouse or friend about their day, or just sit and write out checks. 18. People depend on my income, but they also expect me to be there for important dates like birthdays and soccer games, and I often feel torn and misunderstood. 19. I almost always bring some work home at the end of the day, and/or I nearly always work for part of the weekend or on my days off. If you answered True to less than five of these statements, you are not overworked, and your life is in good balance. Just be sure to keep it that way! If you answered True to more than eight of these statements, your life is seriously out of balance. If you answered True to more than twelve of these statements, you should immediately start a program to regain control over your life, before stress and overwork damage your health and relationships. Stress is very real, and anyone who says you should just deal with it is ultimately setting you up for failure--failure in relationships, failure to protect your health, and in short, failure in life in general. In addition, going to stress management workshops will only teach you to tolerate more stress! So, the time to act is now. And the thing to do is find ways to control your own life. When you do, you will be very surprised how much free time you have and how much more you enjoy it! LuAnn Kennedy is the author of Balance Your Life - The Complete Guide to Managing Work and Family. She offers simple, practical tips to save you time and money. You will finally learn how to work to live, not live to work, and enjoy yourself more in the process! For more information on the e-book and paperback, visit: Balance Your Life - The Complete Guide to Managing Work and Family by LuAnn Kennedy
